Poem: Here's to me

Here’s to me getting on with myself.

I never did get along with
Everybody else.
And here’s to me giving everything I’ve got,
And everything
That I've since lost.  

And here in my head
I don’t have to shout.
Here in my head
Trying to work it out.
But in or out I still don’t know
What on earth this fights about.

Maybe that’s the reason why she won.
She fears what she can’t understand
And I can’t back down to anyone.
 

So hear the anger through the drinking,
Hear me sobbing and over-thinking.
And here’s to crying through the laughter
And here’s to stupid fucking laughter 

That I keep up for hours after.  

And in that moment I ruin it all.
Hear me chuckle to ruin the fun of the fall.  

And here’s to not knowing
How to fix it anymore.
Here’s to the memory
Of being adored.
I haven’t done anything
That I’ve not done before.
What’ve I done this time
That you can’t ignore?  

And hear the punch line of the joke
Hear the laughter through the lump in my throat.
Here’s to me
Here’s to giving up.
Here’s to me giving up on luck,

Here’s to not proving that I can be strong.
Here’s to crying
And crying
And crying
Because I got it all wrong.

Katy Card